lack thinking

          you might have noticed that I haven`t posted anything in a while this is because of one major factor, a factor known as lack thinking, whilst easy to explain it does become a little complicated after that, lack thinking is focusing on what you don`t have and what you might not have or do or places to go to and in a kind of self fulfilling prophecy this actually happens and so depression once again starts rearing its ugly head.
          here is where the complication starts coming into play though, lack thinking is not just thinking of the absence of something, its also the thought of not allowing yourself to imagine that what you want, so for example most people want to win the lottery, however when thinking about what they would do with the money they also have a subconscious lack mentality because they don`t already have it.
          Because of this lack mentality within myself my self belief has dropped over the last few weeks hence why I haven`t posted, my main lacks have been lack of girlfriend, lack of business, lack of money and lack of adventure, on the plus side though I have (with help) started looking at these from a different point of view, I`ll skip over the lack of girlfriend for now and go straight into the business side.
          This week I filed my tax return for my business (April 5th is the end of the UK tax year) and I was disappointed to note that I had filed a loss for the previous year and thoughts of closing down the business entered my mind, however I reevaluated the situation, yes I had made a loss that was black and white and clear as day in front of me, however the fact that I was filling out a tax return form meant that I actually had my own business, something which people had said I would never be able to do, which led me onto thinking about bills and in particular credit card bills, having to pay credit card bills is to alot of people an un necessary expense, however having a credit card means that someone trusts you to pay them back.
          which leads me nicely into lack of money, I don`t have a lot of money but I am grateful for what I do have and I used to think "oh if only I had the money" or "when I get the money" now its a case of "I`ll do that with my money, when I want" and in a twist of fate (or something else that I believe) I had a nice email from the tax man the day after completing my return to say they owed me money!
          which again leads me nicely onto lack of adventure, I subscribe to an outdoor magazine, I did this a couple of years ago when they were offering a free water sterilization kit and just never bothered cancelling and every time the latest issue dropped through the door I would look at the front cover and start feeling depressed at all the adventures on offer that I couldn`t go on for lack of money meaning that the magazines would sit unread on my bookshelf, and whilst yes prior commitments mean I can`t do the longer adventures for now it doesn`t mean that they are all out of reach, and indeed there are some adventures I`m planing on doing, going to the Peak District for a few days and an overnight train journey to Scotland for a weekend walk are on the cards, going by train means I don`t have to worry about the car whilst I`m doing whatever at the time. these magazines also regularly feature gear tests and reviews which do frustrate me as magazines will do "budget gear reviews" and yet none of the gear tested is what I or most people would call budget £150 for a pair of walking boots is not what most people would call cheap, however this is also lack thinking as I`m thinking about lack for other people.
          Lack thinking when It comes to a girlfriend is probably the hardest one of all, having been so long without a girlfriend I am absolutely convinced that no woman wants to be with me and no matter how hard I try this thought and feeling completely overwhelms me at times, at one time I was on several different dating websites, this has now been filtered down to just the one website but (and here comes the lack thinking) due to my shyness, anxiety and Aspergers I find it difficult to make contact with the women on these site first and the times I have plucked up the courage to do it I never had a response which has mane me feel even worse.

the above has been a very short example of my lack thinking but with help these opinions, and thats all they are after all, are slowly being changed I don`t know how long it will take though