adventure list

Having a list of things I want to achieve is great but at the same time hurts as my negativity bias means that no matter how great the adventure is in my mind something always crops up to bring me back down to the suffering and lack mentality, this is so frustrating as you can imagine so I have decided to write out a list of some of the adventures that I want to go on, not only so I can cross them off as I do them but also having the written down will make them happen without the negativity bias coming onto play, I will probably add to this list as I go on as something like this is never completed.

Trip to Iceland northern lights
Drive to the Arctic circle
Do the Mongolian rally
Paddle the Canal Du Midi
Paddle the Kennet and Avon canal
Take the train from Aberdeen to Penzance, this is the longest single train journey in the UK
Race huskeys
Climb in loads of different places
Take a trip around Europe
Oktoberfest
ride Harley Davidson`s along route 66

most people would say "well its a nice list but where would you get the money?" and thats the problem, as soon as people say that, the lack thinking starts, lack of money , for me this is a secondary concern, not because I have lots of money, I don`t, for me the thought of travelling on my own terrifies me,

"hang on, you`re thinking, didn`t you go to Australia twice?"

yes I did, once was on my own and I was far too excited about the prospect of a new life to care, plus this was before my depression hit hard and the second time my friends sister was on the same flight so I was technically travelling with someone.

So apart from travelling on my own terrifying me and money being an "issue" what else stops me from completing this list?

depression, pure and simple, yes I am fighting and yes there are times I win but there are still times when the depression wins and the thing is, I have to be OK with that, even as I sit here writing this, the sun is shining outside, I want to go out but my mind is going "you can`t, you have Gran to look after and driving instructor training later today, so stay inside and don`t go anywhere"

And this is part of the problem most people don`t understand about depression, you don`t control your thought, they control you.